Learning to Trust in the Hardest Moments

I've debated on how to share this.  Started numerous posts but never finished them. It's been three months since I posted last, and more has happened during those months than ever before.

As some of you may know, and some of you I'm sure don't know, in the middle of October I was diagnosed with cancer.  Colon cancer.  I had some irregular bleeding and went to the doctor to get it checked out.  After a few doctor's visits, I went in for a colonoscopy during which the doctor found a large polyp.  He decided to do the procedure the following day to remove it.  For the first time in my life I spent the night in the hospital, and I was alone, in a foreign country, understanding little of the language around me.  The next day, I spent most of the day alone as most of my friends had to teach during the day.  I knew I could have called other friends and they would have rushed to be by my side.  But for some reason I didn't.  It was probably the hardest day.  But on that day, I realized how God can fill a void completely.  If someone had been sitting with me, talking to me, listening to me,  I would not have sat with my Father, listened to Him, shared with Him.  So what started out as a tearful night alone turned into a powerful testimony of God's peace and presence.

The procedure went without complications and I spent another day in the hospital recovering and then had to take a few days off of work to stay home and heal.  The polyp was sent to the pathologists who did the biopsy to determine whether the tumor was malignant or benign. The days waiting for the results were excruciating.  I spent hours each day in God's Word and in prayer, seeking His peace and His comfort.  And He provided it in an abundance I never would have dreamed of.  At any moment through those days, the doubts and fears and anxiety would begin to fill my mind. But I was able to turn right back to the Word and remember God's promise to never leave or forsake me.

When I finally got word that the results were finished, I went in to get the results, only to find out they were inconclusive and more testing had to be done.  So I waited some more.  The community around me was wonderful.  My friends made sure I was never alone if I didn't want to be.  My co-workers sent me notes of encouragement.  My life group was a constant prayer support.  People I hardly knew were praying for me and offering their homes to me.  So even though my family was a world away, God had provided an amazing group of people to pull me through.

On October 31, the results finally came back, and the tumor was malignant.  But my two doctors differed on their interpretation of the pathologist's results.  Not a comforting feeling when your life is at stake.  Was all of the cancer removed?  Is there a possibility that it had spread already?  Do I need to have additional treatments?  The questions came like an avalanche.  But once again, God provided.  An administrator at the school has a friend who is a well-respected Singaporean cancer specialist.  He happened to be in Jakarta, at my hospital, and she got me an appointment.

After explaining to him my situation and having him look at the pathologist's reports, he offered to take my polyp back with him to Singapore and have his friend take a look at it.  In a few days, I got a call from the nurse.

The results were finished.  And the cancer was contained only in the outer layers of the polyp.  It would not have spread.

I am cancer free.

Cancer is a scary word.  Living with cancer is a scary thought.  But God's timing is perfect.  It's a blessing that they caught the cancer early.  That I am in a situation where the entire process, from the initial doctor's visit until I got the final cancer-free result, only took about five weeks.  I had the cancer removed before I even knew I had cancer.

It honestly feels like a dream now.  I haven't been to the doctor since.  My life goes on as normal.  I signed on for another year at SPH.  I continue to take unbelievable extravagant vacations.  My parents came to visit.  And through all of this, I have to remind myself, I had cancer.  I am a cancer survivor.  I wonder what the point of this was.  It taught me a lot, yes.  But I'm holding on to the hope that God has an eternal purpose for my short battle.  That He will use my experience, however short, to further His Kingdom.

One verse, one verse of the hundreds that spoke to me during this time, was Romans 12:12.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, fervent in prayer.

Kids Like These

I realized as I was talking with my mom the other day about a few of my silly students and tried to show her photos of them via my blog, that I don't actually have many photos of my precious little ones... so I decided to pull together some photos of them.  These are from the best of times, the moments when I can pause and take a picture without worrying that they will start distracting each other.  Overall, the days are good.  More often than not, even the days that I get frustrated with their chattiness, I am more overwhelmed with how adorable they are, and how eager they are to learn and have fun.  So... even on those rough days, I am content. 

But here are some photos of the days when I am amazed at how wonderful my class is.  At how I don't want to trade in any of my students or teach anywhere else. 

The month of September is called Bulan Bahasa.  (Bulan: month, Bahasa: Indonesia's national language) It's to celebrate national history and culture and remember how Bahasa brought together 17.000 islands and 360 languages.  There was a carnival for a few days, and the kids got to listen to traditional music, make batik, and eat lots of traditional food.  It's so fun to see the school in party mode... with tons of food and kids roaming around with their friends.

This is from a month and a half ago.  It was the first day that I had the whole class together.  So... it needed a photo!  Everyone was back from holiday.  No one was sick.  And everyone was willing to try to smile... not that they had a choice.  As I look back, they've already grown so much.  And I've gotten to know them so much better, and fallen in love with them in ways I couldn't have imagined.  Some of the photos are kind of rough.  There's no such thing as a "serious" photo with this group.  Which, I'm okay with.  They're a lively bunch, so why shouldn't a photo show off their personality!?

With routines in place, these next photos happen pretty regularly.  After coming in from break, the students find a book, or get out their quiet work.  But as you see, even their quiet work usually involves another student... that's okay though.  They're still so engrossed in their literature sharing! 

Making math fun.  Learning about things we want and things we need.  Here, we practice making a bar graph of all the things we want.  And the bar for everything related to technology stretched to the ceiling...

This is the middle of lesson time.  Miss Rachel pulled out her camera to illustrate how a Luke was very accurate as he wrote his account of Jesus's life, accurate since they didn't have cameras to take pictures of all the things that happened.  And where there's a camera, there are silly faces.  If only you could hear the laughter and see the personalities that go along with each smile.

Grades three and four share chapel time every Friday morning.  Each class takes a turn at leading.  I try to give the kids as much of a say in what we teach, what songs we have, and how we do the whole process.  This chapel was inspired by a group of my girls who made up a skit during their break times.  When Ida and I watched their performance about why to not steal, we knew that we had found inspiration for chapel.  

They tweaked their skit a little to make it "enthusiastic but not over the top" (our favorite phrase in class 3C), I found another skit to go along with the theme we discussed, they picked songs that supported the theme and made up motions, they came up with Bible passages that emphasized the main points, and then we spent a little time every day practicing.  By the time Friday rolled around, they put on an awesome performance.  And God was there.  Unknowingly, the theme lined up perfectly with some issues that grade four was dealing with.  And our skits really helped them to see how to follow God's way, instead of giving into temptation.  Even with a group of 22 crazy third graders, God gets all the glory for making it truly meaningful.

I love them.  And am so excited to see them bright and early each morning!

First Day: Round Two

Well, they say the first year of teaching is your hardest.  And yes, it was hard.  But it was fantastic.  So starting this year is thrilling, knowing that it will be even better!  Here's a look at my classroom before school started, and a few shots of my little ones for the year.  You typically expect kids to be pretty quiet on the first day, and then once they feel more comfortable, they get louder.  Well, from the moment they walked into the room, these kids have been full of energy.  They've kept me on my toes for the past week.  But they're thinkers. They're hard workers.  They love to laugh.  And they love to learn.  Needless to say, I think it's gonna be an awesome year.

My 19th year!